A Good Week For Cats

Why do we still resent people for caring for them?

Henry, the cat I had pre-kids, snuggling against a pregnant belly.

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It’s been a good week for cats. 

Besides finding out that they are not actually on the menu in Springfield, Ohio, Taylor Swift blew up social media with her long-haired blue eyed feline on her shoulder announcing her support for Kamala Harris for President. 

I’m not going to lie - I loved that photo. So did my kids. 

The second cat, Tiger Bryce, who also self-identified as one of the kids’ caregivers.

For most of my adult life I’ve had a cat. For the past 11 years I’ve had at least one child. Seeing these two conflated as opposites is a strange thing to witness because while cats are not kids and kids are certainly not cats, they both involve a level of deep, altruistic and ongoing care. 

And there are few things our country loves to devalue more than the caring of others. 

We have - deliberately or not - created a culture of care-shaming. We don’t help parents care for young children, we don’t give them time off to birth or adopt them, and we cringe when they ask for help and turn a blind eye. Too many families can’t find quality child care, or they can’t afford it, or the providers are making near-poverty wages.  As I report more on this topic and talk to child care providers, the ones that feel they are making it work - as in, providing high quality care with providers who can make a living - are doing so because the true cost of care is supported elsewhere. Many child care centers who take kids 0-5 make more far money on the 3 and 4 year old kids, who require lower staffing ratios of 1 teacher per 10 kids. But these centers can’t find a workable cost model for infants and toddlers, who require a 1:3 ratio.

One child care provider I spoke to runs a full time center and an after-care program. The after-care program, for children ages 5 and up, has a 1 to 15 staff ratio and makes far more money than the full day program. It is because of her after-care program that she can provide better wages, paid time off, and benefits to her staff. The economics of care wouldn’t work if she were only looking after the very young. 

We also care-shame parents who stay home. There are some incredible people reshaping the narrative on parents who take time off paid work to care for children - including Neha Ruch of Mother Untitled, Elliot Haspel of Capita and

Ivana Greco

of The Home Front. But our policies in this country do not provide parents much support for stepping away from paid work: we don’t offer the tax breaks or resources, there is no child care option for when the at-home parent needs time away (and we know they do periodically), and we still reserve respect and reverence for the “do-it-all” mentality of paid work and care, even as we know it’s unsustainable or out of reach for many.

We care-shame people in this country because we have made a choice that our social responsibility for children begins at age 5, when they enter kindergarten. It doesn’t have to be this way, but the line has been drawn in some proverbial sand and it will take some serious paradigm shifting (and people going to the polls) to see this change. 

So when I hear the rhetoric about the cats, I’m reminded that they require care too.  People adopt animals for many reasons, but to provide the type of love and care without financial gain or propagating their genetic line is one. 

The current cat, Pepper, helping me out while writing this Substack.

Having a pet reduces our blood pressure, anxiety and risk for depression. But it’s not some magical fairy dust in the air that provides that sort of health benefit - it’s the way that caring for another living being can enrich our lives and instill joy and purpose, even if we expect very little in return. As

Elissa Strauss

has posited in her book, WHEN YOU CARE, the act of giving care to others changes both the giver and the receiver:

Though I also think that because we don’t value care, because we have never afforded parents and caregivers much curiosity, because we’ve viewed it a footnote to the human story rather than a profound experience that goes to the heart of what it means to be human, we tend to dismiss those challenges as only burdens. Listen, sometimes they are. Sometimes care just sucks. But often enough, the challenges of care are intimately bound up with the lessons caregivers learn about who they are as individuals, what it means to be a person, and what it means to live a good and dignified life. - Elissa Strauss via Substack

In my case, having a pet has done just that. It's taught my own children how we care for others, and these little felines bring joy and warmth to our home, just by curling up and telling us with their purrs just how wonderful we are.

Care changes us for the better. Whether it be adult, kid or cat, it’s something we should value more - in our policies, in our compensation, and in our rhetoric. 

And if you don’t believe me, take it from Taylor Swift. 

Iconic cat photo from Taylor Swift’s Instagram.